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“There was nothing left unsaid”
By Betsy Richter | 10:00 pmI first fell a little bit for The Guy when he told me that he wanted to postpone meeting me in person so that he could spend as much time as he could with his son before Joe shipped out to Bosnia.
I fell a little bit harder each time I heard him talk about his son. He described Joe as his ‘best friend.’ It was clear from his stories (and from being a fly on the wall as they talked on the phone while Joe was overseas) that the feelings were reciprocated.
And I wasn’t at all surprised at what I found when I finally met Joe. He bounded out of the kitchen to greet me with a hug and a big grin. He was busy preparing dinner for us, but kept popping his head out to double check the menu with me: “do you like mushrooms?” And he was enthused about the special present he was getting his dad for Christmas – a driving suit, the first part of his campaign to get The Guy to drive his racecar for him while he was deployed to Afghanistan this spring and summer.
I was impressed as hell with the job The Guy had done raising his kids – and if I hadn’t already been head over heels for him by then, watching him with his son would have pushed me over the edge.
Their relationship wasn’t all sweetness and light – The Guy didn’t want Joe enlisting in the Reserves in the first place, and worried silently when we got the news that he was headed to Afghanistan. And Joe started to nudge his father from afar to get the racecar ready to race when he returned to his wife and soon-to-arrive child this fall, despite all of the spare time, money and effort it would take. And he wanted The Guy to race the car until he returned.
Well, life intervenes – and the car wasn’t ready to go. We’ve missed a couple of races in the season already. But Joe wanted his father in there – so The Guy borrowed a car, and has been getting it prepped for this coming Saturday’s race. He finished it up yesterday, and returned home all grimy and full of car gunk, only to hear a knock on the door a few minutes later.
Joe was one of the four special forces soldiers killed in an explosion earlier that day in Afghanistan. His father had lost his best friend.
Obviously, emotions will be running high for the next few days as we grieve his passing. But Joe’s father had these words to say to me tonight:
“I have no regrets – I told him everything I wanted to say to him.”
“There was nothing left unsaid.”
Next Saturday, there will be plenty of Joe’s friends and family cheering his father on in the stands as he races the #12 car. (I’m honored to be part of the pit crew.) And although I’m not too sure of anything nowadays, I’m quite sure Joe will be in the car by his side, nudging him along…
Topics: Joe Jeffries, My past loves | 9 Comments »
May 30th, 2004 at 11:26 pm
Sorry to have this hit so close to home, Betsy. Be well and take care.
May 31st, 2004 at 1:58 pm
Betsy, my thoughts and prayers are with you and Joe’s family.
May 31st, 2004 at 9:21 pm
I’m so very sorry, Betsy. I hope you and The Guy can find some comfort in the days ahead.
May 31st, 2004 at 11:18 pm
Betsy, my thoughts are with you and The Guy. May peace be yours.
Isaac
June 3rd, 2004 at 12:19 am
I am sorry for your loss, God bless you.
June 9th, 2004 at 3:01 pm
I can’t imagine what I would do if I lost one of my boys. Mark is only lucky in that he had no regrets. On a daily basis I have something that I want to tell my boys, that I regret I said…or that was left un-said.
I will think of you all and work on myself as old Mummy. I know how to do it…had no regrets with Mimi. Did all and said all there!
Still doesn’t make not having her here any easier.
You were her special Grandchild and I hopeby now she’s met Joey. She is probably playing the piano for him…I hope!
November 30th, 2004 at 12:22 pm
I served with Joe in Afghanistan and sat in the passenger’s seat of our humvee as we accomplished a two-week mission. We had two civilian reporters along for the ride (CBS and Getty Images) and I can tell you that I was so proud to have Joe there during their visit. He was the perfect Soldier in my opinion and represented our uniform better than anyone could have.
I took maybe 300 digital photos during that particular mission. The ones that mean most to me today are those of Joe. We became very good friends during that mission and I miss him very much. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about Joe. Each time I experience joy here in the civilian world (now that I’m back home) I feel so guilty because my friend can no longer experience that. I will never forget him that’s for sure.
SSG Robert R. Ramon
robert.ramon@us.army.mil
May 29th, 2006 at 7:21 am
[...] When my kids get home tonight from The Father’s, they’ll get an extra hug or two ‘from Joey.’ And I’ll remember to keep building the kind of relationship with my kids that Joe had with his father. [...]
January 30th, 2007 at 6:44 am
[...] I have two kids myself. I don’t ever want to have to look in a mirror and know that their loss was something I could have prevented. I still think state senator Margaret Carter said the right thing. So did Joe’s father. [...]