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Sorry, Google searchers…
By Betsy Richter | 7:53 pmMy traffic’s been creeping up lately – or, rather, it’s floating upwards leisurely like handfuls of tiny gas bubbles through a carbonated beverage. Bubbles that aim for the light, desperate to reach the surface so they can explode (and expire) in release.
Now imagine there’s a sludgy layer of sediment sitting at the top of the glass, trapping those bubbles below. They flail and wriggle and try with all their might to break free – but alas, there is no relief to be found. No plop plop, no fizz fizz.
Google searchers – I am that sedimentary wet blanket. I will only break your heart. You will find no eructation lessons here. I cannot even make my own cardia vibrate, let alone share any exudation secrets. If I could help you release your own effervescent nature, I would – but, I, like you, am trapped in a prison where irruptation never, EVER happens – no matter what I try.
Sure, I’ve consulted experts. Tried to humbly learn from the younger generation. Even sat at the feet of the master, meditating for hours on end.
But it’s no use. There is no holy grail waiting for you here. No answers to questions like this one or that one. Besides, why aren’t you going here instead? Sure, I’m #12 in Google for the term ‘how to burp’ – but Google Answers comes in higher with the same question, people! And there’s a guy in there “offering (his) personal guide to deliberate belching.”
I can offer you nothing, Google searchers. You see, I am just like you. I cannot burp either.
But if you figure out how, can you come back here and share your newfound wisdom, please? I’d like to be able to drink beer again sometime soon, you see…
Topics: Boss Lady | 2 Comments »
August 28th, 2006 at 10:08 pm
We share your gas … er … pain.
There’s seems to be something about having three or four years worth of posts for Google to peruse that sends the numbers up. But truth be told, who cares about hundreds of folks per day looking for solutions for burping, in your case, or, in our case, for Ian Thorpe in speedos?
TMI, all the way around.
January 5th, 2007 at 8:12 am
You are now NUMBER ONE under ‘Force Burp’ GOOD LUCK, I have yet to figure it out…having someone burp you is helpful, but they really have to slam pretty hard and long.