You have not lived…

...until you've tried to help a nine year old learn how to take pills by practicing with M & Ms instead (after several failed attempts, we'll try it again tomorrow.) ...until you've reviewed piles of resumes with wonderful nuggets like this one (listed as a strength): 'communicating in Lehman's terms.' ...until you've explained to your two children for the eleventy-zillionth time that just because they say we're going to get snow overnight here in PDX doesn't actually mean that we'll see snow on the ground when we wake up the next morning. ...until you have 108 comments to a throwaway post that you made about not being able to burp over two years ago - and the non-burpers, [Read more...]

We are all so efficient!

Daughter goes in for initial assessment by very organized clinic that will most likely diagnose her ADHD on Monday. I don't know whether to applaud their efficiency or worry about the fact that they had to figure out my insurance coverage before they'd even take any other personal information from me, or bother to schedule an initial appointment. But the auto-dialer that kicked in mere hours after we set the first appointment - the auto-dialer that would have called every single night before our appointment if I hadn't pressed 2 to turn it off? The one that would have reiterated the charges we'd face if we didn't cancel 48 hours in advance? That's just too-efficient, [Read more...]

Your friendly neighborhood buzzkill

I have never mastered the social art of glossing over the surface of my life with a 'fine, and you?' when someone asks me the socially polite 'how are you?' question. Either that or I'm now wallowing happily in the sucking, tar-like black humor pit. Which might explain the stunned reaction I got from one person when I responded to his 'how are you?' inquiry with this: "Sure you really want to know? Here's the cliffs note version: In the last 72 hours, I've found out my daughter most likely has ADHD and my father has stage four cancer. And then my aunt died." Thankfully, his follow-up question was perfect: "You prefer red wine, right? Tell me what you're in the mood [Read more...]

It wasn’t supposed to be this way

I always imagined that he'd already be dead when I finally got the call. I always assumed a more dramatic, immediate scenario - accident, overdose, heart attack, or other physical calamity. Even after he got his third DUI and stopped drinking, well - I still assumed the worst. Expected the worst. But when my cell phone rang earlier today while I was meeting with a co-worker, I brushed my sister off for 'ten minutes' so I could finish my meeting. (I really should have known better - we don't talk that often, for starters...) And I never expected that the first words out of her mouth when I called her back would be these: "Dad has cancer." I haven't talked - [Read more...]

What Does My Birth Month Say About Me…

...and why should I care, anyway? Weeeelll, I guess I care because Mr. Not World Famous - a guy who's blog I've fallen in love with lately - says I should. And since I'm apparently easily influenced, well - that's good enough reason for me, I guess. I was born in October. Here are the traits that theoretically describe me: Loves to chat. Those children? Rolling around on the floor in hysterics? Ignore them, please. Okay, okay - I like to talk. But here's the gotcha - I hate talking on the telephone. And I don't do small talk very well. But aside from those two quirks, I can keep a conversational ball afloat with the best of them. Loves those who loves [Read more...]